Love still exists.

So.. basically, instead of posting this terribly sad story of mine as my 50th post, I have decided to post this 


amazingly composed poem by one of my best friend's boyfriend of two years. I just wanted to show people 


that love still exists, and that one day, we shall all find people who love us unconditionally.


Isn't she just ONE LUCKY BITCH? Gah. 
________________________________




When years are passing by like days,


and in my hand your hand is placed,


a knowing smile crosses your face,


a simple touch can still make my heart race. 


When I can see my soul in your eyes,


and see your soul in mine we realize,


that a love so deep can harbor no lies, 


where our only tears shed were happy tears we've cried.


I love u so much now as I ever did before,


if possible, I may even love you more. 


This all started from a feeling we did not ignore,


a feeling of connection we chose to explore.


I don't know what it is that you saw in me,


but what I saw in you was the utmost happiness that can ever be,


even more so on the day when you and I became "We",


I can still smile and say with love and truth, Honey 


Happy 2nd year! I LOVE YOU 

Why are we living a complicated life?

Missing someone?..
Call them.


Want to meet someone?..
Invite them.


Want to be understood?..
Explain.


Have questions?..
Ask.


Don't like it?..
Say it.


Like it?..
State it.


Want something?.. 
Ask for it.


Nobody will know what is going on in your mind..
It is better to express than to expect..
If you already have the 'No',
Take the risk of getting the 'Yes'.


We just have one life, keep it simple..


Thanks Rosh <3 I love you.

I'm a girl.

I’m a girl. I’m a 17 year old, almost an adult. I smile, because I want to. I laugh and makes jokes, because that’s what I do..

I’m a girl who gets distracted easily..  And I’m a girl who is thankful for that. A girl who is impulsive.. A girl who is more emotional than practical. A girl who’s more about using heart than her brain.

I’m a girl about love, just as much as I’m a girl about pain..

I’m a girl who laughs everyday. No, cackles.  A girl who will say anything to make her friends happy.. I’m a girl who will DO anything to see her friends smile.

I’m the girl with the upturned smile.

I’m a girl who laughs all day.. A girl who cries herself to sleep at night.

I’m a girl who likes solitude.. A girl who is terrified of loneliness..

I’m a girl defined by my mood swings.. A girl who can be Ms. Sunshine one moment. A girl who can be lil Ms. Bitch the next..

I’m a girl who will brighten up your day, even if I can’t brighten up  my own..

I’m a girl who looks like she doesn’t give a fuck. A girl who seems like an angel..

I’m a girl laughing at you for even making the mistake of THINKING of me as an angel.

I’m a girl who actually cares, how much ever I say I don’t.. A girl who can’t do anything without her friends’ approval and support..

I’m a girl who can space out very easily in a group full of people.. A girl who sometimes likes to listen to music in middle of the most random things.

I’m a girl living because of music.

I’m a girl who craves happines.. A girl who will go to any extent to attain it. Even if it means hurting herself in the end..

I’m a girl who’s been naive and stupid and made millions of mistakes..

I’m a girl still very happy despite of all that.

I’m a girl who loves drama. I’m a girl who loves to create drama.

I’m a girl who feels fat when she’s thin. I’m a girl who feels thin when she’s fat.

I’m a girl who doesn’t really make much sense sometimes.. A girl who doesn’t care if she does or not.

I’m a girl who speaks her mind.

I’m a girl who’s been through heartbreak countless times. But I’m still a girl who believes in love.

I’m a girl who does judge in the first meeting. A girl still willing to give you a second chance,  only if you deserve it.

I’m a girl who forgives. A girl who never forgets.

I’m a girl who loves her friends to death. A girl who is too possessive about them. A girl who will fuck up any person who fucks with her friends.

I’m a girl who loves to love. A girl who falls very easily.

I’m a girl who moves on.

I’m a girl who knows her rights and wrongs. A girl who will still do what makes her happy.

I’m a girl who’s ego has never really meant more than her relationships.

I’m a girl who’s ever changing. A girl who lives in the moment. A girl who lives for today.

I’m a girl who always tries. A girl who’d rather regret than keep wondering whether it could have ever been.

I’m a girl who sometimes hates being a girl. A girl who enjoys every moment of womanhood otherwise.

I’m a girl who can sit in one corner and cry. A girl who can, and does, keep laughing for no reason where ever she goes.

I’m a girl living by random quotes. A girl letting her music speak. A girl always wondering if she’s in a movie. A girl secretly wanting to kill one of you.

I’m a girl hoping you’re secretly in love with her.

I’m a girl who keeps fighting lost causes, just because she has too much hope.

I’m a girl who will let karma do her job.

I’m a girl of extremes.

I’m a daddy’s girl. I’m a family girl. I’m my girls’ girly girl. I’m his girl.

I’m a girl who swears, kicks, laughs, falls, and then laughs again.

I’m a girl. A girl who is proud to be who she is.

Happiness?

Do we always have to do the right thing?

Isn’t life about doing what you want?

Why can’t we do whatever we want, regardless of whether it’s right or wrong..?

Is there something wrong in doing something that isn’t right?

I thought it was about what makes you happy..

Something missing.

There's something missing.

And she knows what it is..

She’s tried, honestly. To tell her friends how she feels. But nobody seems to get her.. not at all. She knows they don’t think much of her, and she feels bad about it.

She’s losing her confidence.

She knows what she’s missing.

She wants back her Best Friend, her Twin, her Soul Sister. Her all-in-one family.

Because there is nobody in this whole wide world who can understand her the way She does. Nobody else who can make her feel better.

Nobody else who knows exactly what she’s feeling, who knows exactly what to say.

Nobody else who won’t judge her for her feelings.

Nobody else who’ll acknowledge ALL her feelings, however wrong they are.

Without her Twin, her life feels empty. Nothing anybody else does can complete it.

A few words of comfort.. A simple “I love you so much twin”.. A “Bitch, don’t worry. It’ll all be okay..”

She knows what she’s missing..

And she wants it back.

Come back.

Mrin..
I miss you.
Come back.
Please.
Don't do this to yourself.
I need you now..
And I know you need me too.


I love you so much, my amazing telepathic twin. I wish I was there with you right now, because I feel like a pathetic friend. I AM a pathetic friend. I've been laughing and smiling when I know what you must be going through there.. and I feel terribly guilty. 
You won't even attend my calls. You're gone from Facebook.
You're not only hurting me, you're hurting yourself.


Come back..
I love you.

All was well.

It is very ironic that I end up watching epic movies with my best friends the day after a crazy showdown with the guy I love.

This time, it was the final installment of the Harry Potter series. With Alya.

One word.

DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE!

The fact that we were finally going to watch the movie.. (wayyy after the whole world had already watched it. Indonesia is a crappy country bro) It didn’t sink in until we reached the crowd outside the theater. Both Alya and I rushed to text our respective twins before we entered.. :D

It was like voluntarily walking right into something that we KNEW would kill us.

The first scene. Voldemort finally laying his hands on the Elder Wand..

Voldemort’s face, the background score, the aura.. Goosebumps. On my face.

I really wanted to cry at that time.. but I settled for holding Alya’s hand as tight as possible. I couldn’t get through this alone, no.

Scene by scene.. the movie progresses.. I recite the dialogues along with the characters, because that’s me. I remember them all, bro! Most of them, I mean. Also, HA ALYA! I know the dialogues better. And the character names too.

Every moment is painful. Physically, not just emotionally. True story. I just can’t comprehend the fact that it’s the last movie.. it’s the end. It’s FINALLY the end. My heart just went of breaking as the scenes played in front of my eyes.. Thrice, or four times throughout the movie, I almost cried. And once, I just cried. Silently wept.. Fred, Remus and Tonks die..

Ron and Hermione kiss. Harry and Ginny kiss. Neville FINALLY admits he’s in love with Luna. I cannot explain the soaring feeling in the my heart. Love is so pretty.

Hermione.. wow. I’m in awe of her character. SUCH a strong girl. Just “Brilliant!”. I wish Daniel had grown taller.. I love Rupert Grint. And WHAT THE HELL happened to Neville Longbottom and Dean Thomas?! They’re.. dashing. Killer good looks.

“NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!” You GO MRS.WEASLEY! And Sirius Black, I love you forever.

Severues Snape. New found respect for your character.. even more after watching the movie. A big salute, Alan Rickman.

The hug between Voldemort and Draco. Dude, AWKWARD much?

I miss you Dumbledore. And The Marauders. And Lily. And Fred. And Tonks. I wish you hadn’t died..

The kids. You’re all beautiful. And remember, you’re part of a great legend now. The Harry Potter phenomenon. The last scene.. 19 years later. Harry and Ginny with Albus, James and Lily. Ron and Hermione with Hugo and Rose. Draco, his wife and Scorpius.. Perfect couples. Picture perfect.

I didn’t let go of Alya’s hand the whole time, even though it became numb and I stopped feeling the presence of my hand after a while. I screamed, laughed, cried, swore. I pointed and SWORE when they changed the FRIKKIN’ SCENES! HOW COULD THEY? @#!@%$@#^%(&!

At the end, we were left blank. Shocked. Empty.

It was like, a place in our heart where Harry Potter and all things related resided, died. It was just ripped out. I don’t think we were ready for it to end..

It was the end of an ERA! :”(

Oh. And my dad asked us in the end when we came back to the office..

“Did he die?” Actually, dad just wanted to know if he got married or not.

K.

:|

But you know what..?

All was well.

Holiday Spam.

Day Zero: I hardly ever give a damn about anything when I haven’t had enough sleep. Packing is a big pain in the ass with my MOTHER. The weather gods have something against me. I still get terrified during every flight. White wine SUCKS. The Immigration System at the Malaysian Airport is plain and simple STUPID. Arab men are HOT. I love taxi rides. I have gathered some amazing people I can call family in various countries now. At the end of the day, Indian Food FTW. It sucks that my best friend’s going back home without us meeting.

Day One: Nothing will work out according to a plan when there’s my MOTHER involved. ZARA HAS AMAZINGLY AWESOME COLORFUL PRETTY THINGS! I want to move to Malaysia. Fettucine Carbonara yo, creamyyy awesomeness yo. Yay pretty clothes and pictures. My black flats ALWAYS betray me in times of need. I cannot aimlessly walk around like a freakin’ tourist. I need LOTS OF rest in the middle. Arab men are HOT. Also, I cannot walk around in heels like my MOTHER. I spot a more refined version my most hated ex, and almost pass out. A girl can NEVER have enough clothes, or shoes, or bags, or jewellry.. Oh btw, INDIAN FOOD FTW! Pepsi sucks. I am hot. The KLCC is fucking beautiful in the night! My parents think I have a big ass. Same.. fucking.. nightmare.. like.. in.. every.. other.. hotel.

Day Two:  I love dressing up. I love being all organized and prepared while travelling. I love my bag, full of whimsical items. Music is my best friend here, so are my novels, generously lent to me by my friend who is herself on a trip to New Zealand. My personal mission of taking more than 1000 pictures on this trip is on its way to being a success! I realize I’m missing the birthdays of two best friends and one good friend because I’m on this trip. Arab men are HOTTTTTTTTTTTTT. Heights are fascinately thrilling to me. I am totally inspired by Eat, Pray, Love. My iPod is dying. I miss my internet. This is the first trip I am on after parting ways with a certain person, and it kinda hurts. I miss three certain people a LOT right now.

Day Three: I wake up after having that same fucking dream about happily getting back with that hated ex and almost kill myself. My idea of a holiday involves lots of rest and leisurely walking around the place checking out random stuff, NOT hurried tour guide involved shit. I LOVE bus rides, with my iPod and my book and the comfortable seat and the window and the view from it. Also, most bus drivers are jerks. People should not mess with my crazy, but kickass family. The sea calms me, the sea scares me. Too much free time on a trip isn’t good for my mind. I am gaining weight, fuck it. It’s Rajnikant vs. Shahrukh Khan in Malaysia. Babies positively ADORE me. How I’m going to sleep alone in this hotel room tonight, is something way beyond my understanding. The sound of the waves crashing outside my room, soothingly glorious.

Day Four: Sleep is more important to me than pretty sights. Penang is a surprise package. I did not know about the existence of something called a “Fruit Buffet”, but I end up highly enjoying it. Waterfalls are so bloody pretty! Heights continue to enthrall me. I can stand under the shower for hours at a stretch.. We ended up taking 492 pictures today. I lose respect for the hotel I’m staying in when they fail to provide me with a particular type of adaptor for my laptop charger! It’s not healthy to read the Amulet of Samarkhand before going to bed. It’s possible to start sweating insanely in an AC room in just 60 seconds. Basically, I’m doomed for life.

Day Five: Why the fuck was the ferry to Langwaki freezing like mad? WHY? Langkawi is kind of boring, even more dead than Jogja. Stupid McD Strawberry Sundae, FAIL! My dad is my BEST photographer. I GOT AMAZING BLACK RETRO STYLE SHADES! I’m missing home and the people at home a lot, surprisingly. I’m already tired of this trip, which is the longest we’ve ever been to. It scares me how much love I feel for him sometimes..

Day Six: I don’t care if I never come back to this pretty place, I need my rest! I don’t understand ONE bit as to why it was so hot at 700 metres above the sea level. Why do these women completely clad in burkhas take pictures of themselves? You can’t even see your face. Also,  how do they survive the heat in those clothes?! The only thing I’m thankful for from this trip is the way my sleeping patterns are back to normal. Seriously, Langkawi sucks. This trip, we took more than 2000 pictures. Very long trips with my family isn’t good for my mental and physical well being.

Day Seven: IT IS OVER! Last day. Right ear gets painfully blocked on the flight to KL from Langkawi. Burger King mmm. I LOVE well behaved cute babies. Free WiFi FTW! Butt gets painful after sitting on the same damn bench for an hour, with your parents sleeping on either side. Sheesh. Who cares.. IT IS OVER! I vow to never, ever go on such long trips, especially with my family. I cannot even wait for the time when I can travel alone, or with friends. This is it, we’re almost home..

Something amazing.

Never, and I repeat NEVER, fall in love. Falling is never a good thing. You may walk gracefully and intelligently into love, but never fall.

Breaking all the Rules <3